As a college professor of communication, I am often asked by students why the skills I teach are important. A lot of what I present in the classroom relates to interpersonal skills in the lives of the college student: with friends and family. However, many students are taking college coursework to prepare them for a professional career. It’s important to realize that communication skills are easily transferable. Just how are the interpersonal skills someone learns useful at both home and work? It’s not that big of a stretch, really.
Look at the job postings in the paper or at one of the online career search sites. What is the ONE skill required of almost every job? GOOD INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS. What is the one skill that will make a marriage great? It’s not being a fantastic cook or a fabulous lover. It’s GOOD INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION SKILLS. It’s no accident that it takes the same skill set to be successful in marriage and at work.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying if you are not successful at one you won’t be successful at the other. But what I am saying is that with good, solid, interpersonal communication skills, you will be more likely to succeed in both your marriage and in your career.
What are some of these skills? Take a look at any basic interpersonal communication textbook and read the titles of the chapters. You’ll see perception, intrapersonal communication, listening, language, emotions, non-verbal communication, self-disclosure, communication climate, conflict resolution, and others. Being excellent at these skills will make you excellent at being a good friend, good spouse, and good employee, boss and co-worker.
How do you become excellent at interpersonal communication skills? By learning them and putting them into practice as often as possible.
One fact about communication skills is that there are no “born communicators.” We are almost all born with about the same capacity to speak and understand others. But the skill part– well, that we have to learn. Some people may have a head start because they lived in an environment where the people closest to them model good interpersonal communication skills regularly. But what if you grew up with people who were not the most effective communicators? You didn’t get a chance to see what a model of good interpersonal skills looked like, so why should you be expected to know them, do them, and live them? All you need is a little knowledge and a little practice, and you’ll be on your way to success at work and at home.
Here are some suggestions for developing your interpersonal communication skills:
Self-help books: Visit your local library, book store or favorite on-line book seller and search for subjects like: communication, public speaking, relationships, etc. College classes: Community colleges provide excellent resources to foster adult learners and life-long learning at affordable prices and often have no entrance requirements other than living in the district. College textbooks: You don’t have to take a course to get the benefit of reading the textbook! Visit an academic bookstore or library (again, your local community college is a great resource for this). Look for titles about interpersonal communication, public speaking, introduction to human communication, etc. Websites: Many professional and academic sites offer helpful tips and information. Plug a key word or phrase into your favorite search engine and surf away. Get your employer to help: Suggest that your employer consider hiring a speaker, trainer or consultant to help everyone on the job gain similar skills. Consultants can provide a needs assessment and create a training program customized to the needs of your group. Get private help: Communication coaches are trained professionals, most with years of experience, in helping people learn the skills you want to gain. Many coaches offer group and individual coaching so you can gain the skills you want very quickly.
Once you have an opportunity to develop your interpersonal communication skills, all you have to do is regularly put into practice what you have learned. One benefit of gaining better interpersonal skills is you’ll soon start to notice shifts in the way others interact with you. You will be seen as more powerful, more intelligent, and more approachable all at the same time. If you have never learned communication skills, it is never too late. Start your journey today–you’ll be glad you did!
? Felicia Slattery, 2007.
Effective Communication takes real skill…..
These communication skills have to be developed, honed and added to on an on-going basis. They are at the heart of interpersonal skills and the greater your awareness of how it all works, the more effective your communication will be.
However, even the best communicators can have their communication skills undermined when they get wrong-footed, face potential humiliation, feel misunderstood or get really surprised by someone else’s behavior.
That’s when it all seems to fall apart and people regress to all kinds of inappropriate and unhelpful behavior.
Being a good communicator is often about feeling confident in those situations where you don’t always feel comfortable, so we make life easier for you by enhancing what’s already there.
In other words, you don’t have to learn a whole bunch of radically new things. Being an effective communicator means that other people take you seriously, listen to what you have to say and engage in dialogue.
How to Develop Good Communication Skills
Here are some guidelines for developing good communication skills that you can practice anywhere and at anytime.
1. Make eye contact. Whether you are speaking or being spoken to, looking into the eyes of the person you are in conversation with can make the experience much more successful. Eye contact conveys interest, and encourages the other person to be interested in you in return. When in front of several people, holding the eyes of different members of your audience can personalize what you are saying and maintain attention.
2. Be aware of what your body is saying. Body language can say so much more than a mouthful of words. An open stance with arms easily to your side tells anyone you are talking to that you are approachable and open to hearing what they have to say. Arms crossed and shoulders hunched, on the other hand, suggest disinterest in conversation or unwillingness to communicate. Often, communication can be stopped before it starts by body language that tells people you do not want to talk. Good posture and an approachable stance can make even difficult conversations flow more smoothly.
3. Have courage to say what you think! Communication skills begin with simple communication. Take time each day to be aware of your opinions and feelings. When you are aware of what you believe on a certain issue, you can better convey those thoughts to others.
Individuals who are hesitant to speak because they do not feel they have worthwhile opinions need not fear: what is important or worthwhile to one person may not be to another and may be more so to someone else. In a world so very big, someone is bound to agree with you, or to open your eyes to an even deeper perspective. The courage to say what you think can afford you the opportunity to learn more than you did before.
4. Speak loudly enough to be heard. When you are saying what you think, have the confidence to say it so as to be heard. An appropriate volume can inform listeners that you mean what you say, you have thought about what you are saying, and what you are saying is worth hearing. An appropriate tone and volume ensure your listeners hear exactly what you are saying, and decreases room for misunderstanding.
5. Practice. Communication skills can be practiced every day in settings that range from the more social to the more formal.
You might find that these simple behavior tips can open up new communication opportunities to you. New skills take time to refine, but each time you use your communication skills you open yourself to new opportunities…..
What is communication?
It is a process that involves exchange of information, thoughts as well as ideas and emotions.
Based on the channels used for communicating, the process of communication can be broadly classified as verbal communication and non verbal communication.
Non verbal communication is the most important method of communication that we have available as human beings. It is estimated that 55% of our communication is based on the non verbal communication methods, and only 38% is attributed to vocal communication, whereas written communication comes third with only 7% of our total.
The process of communication involves a sender that encodes and sends a message, which is then carried via the communication channel to the receiver. He/she decodes the message, processes the information and sends an appropriate reply via the same communication channel. This process is similar whether we are employing verbal or non verbal methods of communication.
Communication includes written and oral communication, whereas the non verbal communication includes body language, facial expressions and visuals, such as diagrams or pictures, all of which are used as a means of communication.
Important non verbal methods of communication
There are eight main methods of non verbal communication. Generally we are very familiar with the idea of ‘body language’. But this is a general term which covers different types of non verbal communication such as Gesture, Posture and Eye-Gaze.
1. Eye gaze
Eye contact can indicate interest, attention, and involvement. Gaze includes the actions of looking while talking, maintaining eye contact while listening, patterns of fixation, pupil dilation and blink rate.
2. Facial expression
Universal facial expressions signify anger, fear, sadness, surely and disgust. If you smile, frequently, you’ll be perceived as more likable, friendly, warm and approachable.
3. Posture
Your posture, including the pose, stance and bearing of the way you sit, slouch, stand, lean, bend, hold and move your body in space. It can immediately affect the way people perceive you.
4. Gesture
May be articulated by the movement of hands, arms or body, and also includes the movement of the head, face and eyes such as winking, nodding or rolling one’s eyes.
Speaking without gesture, can be seen as boring, stiff and unanimated.
5. Haptics
The word given to ‘touch’ as it refers to communication, includes handshake, holding hands, kissing, backslapping, high fives, a pat on the shoulder and brushing an arm.
The meaning conveyed from touch is highly dependent upon context, the relationship between communicators, and the manner of touch.
6. Paralanguage
This term refers to the non verbal cues of the voice. Acoustic properties of speech such as tone, pitch and accent can all give off a non verbal cues
7. Proxemics
This refers to the non verbal study of space and distance. The concept of territorial space refers to the area around the person that another person is not allowed to enter without consent. For example, the intimate zone is said to be up to 2 feet around the person and is reserved for close friends and loved ones.
8. Clothing and bodily characteristics
Finally, elements such as physique, height, weight, hair, skin colour, gender, odour and clothing send non verbal messages during interaction. They cannot be ignored.